Well, here I am at day 2 of 68 in my personal journey, transformation…okay, it’s really just a weird experiment where I’m trying new things, being more disciplined, and putting it all here for you to view, be inspired by, poke fun at, whatever you wish. By the way, these posts are really just my way of keeping a journal of the experiment. There may be some cool thoughts, it could be boring, it might even be enlightening or, at the very least, entertaining in some fashion.
What is love?
Before writing about today, I wanted to share a little about the dialogue Nicole and I had last night before bed. Dialogue is not exactly what it sounds like. Each day we are given or chose a question. We take about 10 or so minutes to answer the question in our journal and share our feelings about the question. Each night we sit on the bed, trade journals, read what the other wrote, and try to experience the feelings that the other expressed. I’m doing a terrible job of explaining something that has truly transformed our relationship. Consider learning about this “work” for your own relationship through Marriage Encounter. I cannot recommend it enough!
Anyway, yesterday’s question was, “When do I need your love the most?” This was a difficult question for both of us but for different reasons. Nicole basically said that she needs my love all of the time. For her, there is no time that she needs it the most as if at other times she could do without it. I stated that I have no idea what “love” is! It’s true. There are so many ways to describe love that it’s maddeningly confusing. Is it a feeling? Is it an action? An act of service? A physical touch? Is it “doing what’s best for another” and how is that “best” decided?
Our conversation went on for about 20 minutes as we discussed “love”. In the end, we (I) decided to rephrase the question – When do I need to feel your love the most? This is different. I don’t need to feel her love while I am at work. I trust that it’s there. I do need to feel her love when I’m in a dark place. She doesn’t need to feel my love when I’m camping, she knows it’s still there. She does need to feel it when she’s had a rough day.
What is God’s love?
She also proposed an excellent insight; that God’s love is unfaltering, it doesn’t stop. Even if we “block” it with sin, we are singing along with St. Augustine,
And from You, O Lord, unto whose eyes the depths of man’s conscience are naked, what in me could be hidden though I were unwilling to confess to You? For so should I hide You from myself, not myself from You.
God’s love is constant, mine is fickle. Sometimes I feel loved by God, oftentimes I don’t. This doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love me. This doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love you. It means that there is something blocking us from feeling that love. It could be the events of the day. It could be sin. It could also be God, trying to woo us deeper into His love. The point is, God’s love is constant and unfailing. We have to trust in that and not strive to feel loved by God but rather trust that He loved, loves, and is loving us world without end. Amen. On to the day…
Physical
I completed my Fit Father Workout to level four again. I’ll stick with 4 for the time being so as not to aggravate my shoulders. 4 is pretty good when you consider that adds up to 24 Swings, 24 Squats, 24 Presses, 24 Rows, and 24 Push-ups. I hope to reach 10, which would mean 100 of each exercise, by the end of the year.
Spiritual
After exercising I read today’s readings, the Office of Readings, and Morning Prayer. I won’t go into it now but if you have access to the Magnificat, I highly recommend reading through the Meditation of the Day by Servant of God Chiara Lubich. It’s a fascinating mediation on time. My favorite quote from the meditation and here Lubich is quoting St. Catherine of Siena, is:
“The burden of the past we don’t have, because time has gone by. The burden of the future we don’t have either, because we can’t be sure that we will have that time.”
So what are we left with? The present; here, now, today. What will you do with this gift. Remember the definition of change? Change – activation of potency! You and I can only do that…now. The past doesn’t matter, the future is out of our hands! Carpe diem!
Intellectual
Today I worked on lowercase and capital B’s with my handwriting book. Using my left hand to do this poses many challenges both physically and intellectually. It takes a great deal of concentration and hand-eye coordination to make these letters come to life on the page with my non-dominant hand. All the while, my right hand is screaming, “just let me do it! It would be faster and nicer!!”
I continue my wading through the Summa of the Summa. Like the handwriting experiment, it is challenging my brain to think differently, more deeply, and not just skim over the words hoping the meaning to jump to my brain. I have to take my time, focus, reread, and work to digest what is presented.
Emotional
Tonight we are dialoguing on the question, “How do I feel when we pray together?” I’m anxious to read what Nicole has written and learn more about how praying together as a couple makes her feel.
Another emotional high I’m riding right now is knowing that tomorrow I’ll be going to my first Ohio State game at The Shoe! I’m taking my son Christopher, another son, Anthony, and Anthony’s father-in-law. I’m hoping it will be a great experience for all of us!
Today’s title and featured image are brought to you by A.I. Actually, as mentioned before, I’m allowing A.I. to do this for this entire series. Today’s image isn’t that bad but I’m sort of freaked out by the fact that it can read my entry and create a related image. You’ll notice a couple on a bed with books (journals) sharing their own dialogue!
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Do you want to make some changes in your own life or in the life of your family? Check out my 7 Habits of Holy Catholic Families series or my book 4 Simple Steps to Better Scripture Meditations.
James M. Hahn, Author 