When the Jews from Jerusalem sent priests and Levites to him to ask him, “Who are you?” he admitted and did not deny it, but admitted, “I am not the Christ.” – John 1:19-20
When reading and praying through Scripture, part of my mental practice is to place myself in the scene. I imagine that I am one of the main participants, a bystander, or even and animal. (You may read more about this practice and its fruits here)
Today, I was trying to imagine myself as John the Baptist but at the same time I was myself when I heard these words addressed to me, “Who are you?” This is a difficult question for me. Who am I? Who are you?
We are given a variety of options to choose from: The Christ, The Prophet, Elijah, maybe even The Voice. I am none of these, although, often in my raging pride I imagine myself to be all of them. Who then, am I?
The first reading from the First Letter of Saint John gives me more viable options: A Liar, An Antichrist? A Denier? A Deceiver? Sometimes, I think I fit more easily into this group. Who am I? I want to answer that I am somewhere in between, lukewarm.
However, I answer, “I admit it and do not deny that I am a sinner in need of great mercy. I have fallen, often. I have sinned against God and you, many times, even today. I am a fallen man. A struggling husband. A weak father and grandfather. Yet I am not without hope“
John the Baptist tells the Pharisees, you, and me that, “there is one among you whom you do not recognize…” And that, is the crux of the matter. I do not recognize Him because I am not looking for Him. I am not looking for Him because I am too focused on myself.
This, my friend is the very definition of pride. If humility is, as C.S. Lewis puts it, “not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less“, then pride is thinking more of yourself and often. Of this I am guilty. I look at the world and how it relates to me; of how people’s words and actions affect me. I think of what the world and others can do for me. I work out in my heart how every interaction can or could put me further ahead.
Humility, in every word, thought, and deed thinks with the mind of Christ, “I have not come to be served but to serve.” Pride says the opposite, “I have not come to serve but to be served.“
Lest I despair of ever gaining a smidge of humility, today’s readings also give forth many words of hope and encouragement:
“Let what you heard from the beginning remain in you. If what you heard from the beginning remains in you, then you will remain in the Son and the Father. And this is the promise that he made us: eternal life…And now, children remain in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not be put to shame…” – 1st John 2
“The Lord has made his salvation known…He has remembered his kindness and his faithfulness…sing joyfully to the Lord…” – Psalm 98
So, at the beginning of this new year, I resolve to live with more humility; to think of myself less and to serve rather than being served. Below is a prayer that I have pasted inside my little book of scriptures. It is the Litany of Humility by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val y Zulueta. My watchwords for this year and the words that I pray will guide my every word, thought, and action are – Humility – Hiddenness – Simplicity. If you’d like to print this out to keep with you and pray as well, you can download it here.
HUMILITY – HIDDENNESS – SIMPLICITY
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
From the fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ...
That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I …
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I, provided that
I may become as holy as I should.
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James M. Hahn, Author 