Based on 2 Samuel 11 (I highly recommend reading this first before reading this post)
As I stood in our bedroom yesterday morning relaying to my wife my ideas about the first reading for the day, I felt deep tears and anguish welling up in my eyes and throat. I fought it back. “What is wrong with me?”, I thought. Why is this reading affecting me so much? I’ve read it so many times but here I am on the verge of tears. I’m there again as I write this.
My heart ached because I saw a man who was supposedly “a man after God’s own heart” fall from grace. My soul wept for Uriah as though he were my own brother or son. My emotions got the better of me because of the weakness and cowardice of Joab.
I’m a mess as I write this because I have been David; stricken by sloth, filled with lust, and doing whatever I could to cover the trail of my sins. I have been Uriah; innocent, faithful, trusting, and suffering because of it. I am often Joab; knowing what is right and what is wrong but doing the wrong out of fear of what others may think. The reading struck my heart because I was looking into three-panel mirror, each man a reflection of me at various times of my life.
So, let me write some advice to my younger self, to other men, to my sons.
If you wish to avoid sexual and other sins, and the dogpiling of sins to cover sins, do the opposite of King David. At the time when Kings go off to war…go to war. Do not “remain in Jerusalem” where life is comfortable and danger distant. The time? I have identified three “times” in my life when I most often imitate David at his weakest point.
Morning – the bed is comfortable and warm. I’m still in a dreamlike state, not thinking clearly. The phone is within reach. The first “battle” of the day comes the moment you wake up. Will you go off to war? Will you battle for your soul, your loved ones, and your family by engaging in prayer, discipline, asceticism immediately? Or, will you “stay in Jerusalem” by hitting snooze, doom scrolling, engaging your base curiosities, and thus loosing the first battle of the day. This is the most crucial battle. If you fail, you will find yourself either covering your sins with other sins or at best trying to regain ground the rest of the day. If you win, you will be strengthened for the remaining battles of the day. Place your phone where you have to get out of bed to turn off your alarm. Set your rosary, bible, or Divine Office on top of your phone so that you have to physically touch it before you touch your phone. Immediately do something physically challenging; the goal isn’t swole, it’s self-discipline and control, the will and intellect directing the body. In the morning, go to war.
Afternoon – you’ve been working all day, the heavy lunch is making you a bit drowsy, you can’t nap and you don’t want to work. The world begins to look gloomy. You wonder if there is really a purpose to life, if this is all there is, if there’s something better out there; job, relationship, etc. Hope and joy fade in your heart and mind. Your resolve to be a man of God sputters like a dying candle. You look for a distraction, a dopamine hit, a rush that will make you feel alive again. You “rise from your couch” and begin looking for a distraction. Again, it’s not outside Jerusalem, but still within its comforting walls. Maybe it’s a member of the opposite sex on the roof, on a screen, or in the next cubicle. Maybe it’s a mindless game on your phone or endless scrolling. This battle against sloth, the “noonday devil” of acedia, is a dangerous one. Loosing the battle can allow the enemy to have the high ground for the rest of the day and beyond. Winning the battle will strengthen you and give you insights for the next attack. Win the battle with bodily movement; a walk, pushups, squats, anything to shake off the physical malaise. Win the battle with prayer; the Chaplet of Divine Mercy is especially effective. Win the battle with fasting; a light lunch and a health snack – after your prayer – can strengthen you immensely. In the afternoon, go to war.
Night – it was a long day. Maybe things went well, maybe they didn’t. Regardless, you deserve a break. You deserve some “you” time. Just one bowl of ice cream. Just one drink. Maybe one episode of something or a little sports. Just a few minutes of catching up on social media. Oh, look at the time, you should go to bed, you’re just too tired for prayers this evening. The ice cream becomes a muffin top. The drink becomes a crutch. The episodes become binging and lack of restful sleep. The catching up becomes endless wasted minutes and wandering into sinful territories. The lack of prayer becomes a darkened soul. Night is a dangerous time. In our reading we are given two examples, two choices of how we can behave at night. David plies Uriah with food, drink, rest, and the opportunity for physical relations with his wife. Here, David is the tempter. He takes the role of Satan trying to lull Uriah’s senses, weaken his resolve, and thus “hide” his own (David’s) sin against Uriah and the Lord. Uriah, on the other hand, although he is safe within Jerusalem, chooses to live and act like he is still at war. He stays with the servants ready to go back into battle at a moments notice. Win the night battle with discipline and routine. Establish a prayer time. Read holy books instead of watching television or scrolling. Forego “pleasures” that can undo your resolve, allow them only on Sunday or Holy Days. Commit to learning something new; a language, musical instrument, or a hobby. Spend quality time with friends and family. At night, go to war.
By now you have realized that the war doesn’t stop. The battles ebb and flow throughout life. And so, we must be ever ready to go to war: morning, afternoon, and night. Temptations end a few minutes after our last breath. Will you be like David, not going to war when you should? Will you be like Joab, not doing the right thing no matter the cost? Or, will you be like Uriah, faithful to the Lord, ready for the battle, no matter what happens to you? At the time when kings go off to war…go to war, even if the “kings” of this world do not.
James M. Hahn, Author 