Taking Kids to Mass-
Over the past few weeks this subject has come up many times in conversation and online. One person asked how to keep kids from using the Palms as “swords” at Mass and breaking them into a million little pieces. On a blog there was some lively debate on the practice of splitting up the Masses – mom goes to one mass while dad watches the kids, then dad goes to mass while mom watches the kids.
My wife and I are no experts on taking children to Mass but we know that that last practice is certainly not for our family. So, here on my humble little blog, I would like to offer some of the practices that we use for maintaining peace in the pews.
First, and this may fill the most disciplined parents with fear, we sit in the very front pew. The major reason for this move is that 99% of the would be distractions are behind us, literally. I can’t tell you how many times I have been the one frustrated with people sitting in the pews around us making faces at the boys and basically playing with them. This does not help my wife and me “train” them to behave in Church. Therefore, sitting up front is the best policy we have in place. In fact, now our boys would not want to sit anywhere else. They like to see what is going on, and here they have a clear view. They have a full 180 degree field of vision. Anything beyond that results in a tap on the shoulder.
Second, mom and dad act like bookends. Gentleman-like, I let my wife go in the pew first, then the munchkins and then finally myself. This eliminates the chances of a little sprinter heading back up the isle or up on the altar. This, by the way, was learned the hard way! By keeping the boys between mom and dad, every child is within reach and no “playing” on the kneelers, pew, etc. occurs.
Third, no extras. This means that we don’t allow toys, crayons, food, or books, unless they are prayer books. The toys that were meant to keep them busy become a object to fight over. The crayons only get lost, ground into the pew padding or melted in some body’s good church pants. Food, even Cheerios, in our opinion is simply disrespectful.
Fourth, when a child must be removed it is not fun for the child. Whenever, we are forced to take one of the boys out that child has to stay in our arms. The only choice he has is to stand in the back of church (cry room, hall) or go back to the pew. It doesn’t take long for the the child to reason that sitting on the pew with mom or dad and siblings is much more pleasant than having to be held in the back of church. If we were to let them down and run around, then that would be more appealing and you can be sure they would remember that for next week!
Fifth, there are rewards or bribes but there are also punishments. Gum is a favorite choice for our boys. If they are good they may have gum afterwards. If they are not good, not only do they not get gum but they also spend time on the bench in the utility room or they loose certain privileges.
Finally, we also try to train them to sit patiently for extended periods of time. For instance, we require that they sit quietly, reverently, and participate, as much as they are able, in the daily family rosary. This training, in the comfort of our own home, provides a good lesson in patience – for them and us!
Our training also consists of challenging them to listen for certain words or stories in the readings. My wife and I read the readings for ourselves and then as we are driving to Mass we challenge the boys to count how many times they hear this word or listen for this person’s name. We also try to review the Gospel with them beforehand in a way they can understand, even reading it from a children’s bible. So often they will look up at us or touch our hand when they hear something familiar in the readings. This is a practice that I hope they will carry on into their adult life.
These are some of the ideas that we have employed over the years or at least the ones that have worked the best for us and our children. This doesn’t mean that they are little angels at every Mass. It means that going in, we and they know the rules, they know what is expected and the majority of the time they meet and exceed those expectations. We thoroughly enjoy taking them all to Mass and never dread it. Some days are better than others but hey, that’s life!
James M. Hahn, Author 